Sunday, January 30, 2011

A Month In To The New Year...

So many things are new...

So many things the still the same...

Since I dropped of the face of the blogging planet, so many things have happened in my life. I ended up going back to work. It's a new experience as I am now an Early Childhood Teacher Mentor for the University of Texas Houston. Still a little the same as I am still a "teacher," and I'm still in the classroom. The best part is - I love this job. I truly do. But - before I get on a soapbox about how great, wonderful, important, etc. this job is... I'll just go ahead and let you know that it's over in May. The lovely state of the budget has led to the axing of the grant that funds this job (and the support of SO MANY children who NEED this). So, as of May 31st, I'll be unemployed.

My job has definitely kept me busy. It's brought a lovely person to our family (Ms. Tina) who cares for my kids during the day. She is beautiful, sweet, and loves my kids. She's been beyond a blessing to our family! My job even took me to the beach for a week! Not that I got to see much of it as I was freezing my fanny off in the hotel conference rooms learning so much about my job. But there was one nice lunch break that was warm and cozy, and I enjoyed it very much:


I have a new walker and talker in my life. I'm enjoying the "newness of life" through my 3rd Chance. The "Uh-oh," "wight" (light), "wee" (tree), "go-ggie" (doggy), pretending to blow his nose, washing his own tummy... the list could go on and on. While it's the same things that are seen and done every day - living it as something new through him brings a certain appreciation to the little things.


Then there's the biggest newness. A newness that I just don't like. I often wonder if I've taken the time to allow this newness to really sink in and be a part of the life I live from here on out. I want to ignore this newness. But the truth is... I can't.

The newness is living without my Nanny. She passed away after a 52 hour illness. She was 2 months shy of being 92. I held her hand through much of that illness. I talked to her and stroked her soft, wrinkled, beautiful skin. I always loved her soft skin. I held her hand and whispered in her ear that we would be ok and that we love her so much. I held her hand and told her she could go to heaven if she wanted to. I held her hand when she took her last breath and moved on to her heavenly home. I held her hand and cried. Cried for my selfish soul who knew life without her cantankerous, wonderful, loving self would be so new and so hard. And it is. I miss her more than I talk about or let on to. I miss her for my kids. My middle child often asks if my heart is still sad because of Nanny. And I honestly answer that yes - it is. I know that one day I will get to give her a big hug again and that I'll get to hold her soft, hard-worked hand. But, until then, a new part of my life includes a sad place in my heart for one of the most incredible women I've ever had the privilege of knowing.


So many new things... and oh how I wish a few were still the same.

2 comments:

AprilMay said...

Hugs to you, dear friend. I wish that all changes were good ones! I hope you can find peace knowing you will see your dear Nanna in heaven! And I will pray for your job!!

entertainment king said...

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