Stinkin' Alyson! She Tagged Me...

Thanks a LOT, Alyson (said all sing-songy and whiny, of course!)
She stinkin' tagged me, and I'll feel ever-so-guilty if I don't oblige...


First post a pic of you and your kids:
I cannot BELIEVE this is the only recent picture I have of myself with my kids... this will be changed soon - I. Hope.

1. How many children do you have? Two

2. What are their ages? Caleb is 4 going on 14 and will be 5 going on 15 in December. Connor is 1... for 30 more days. :o(

3. What time do you start your day? I wake when Bill's alarm goes off @ 6:00. Then I waller (what a great Texas term) until 7 when he's done primping (good thing he doesn't read my blog!), and then I get in the shower... it's go time from there! I like to be out of the shower, dressed, and semi-ready to go by the time the boys are up (7:30ish).

4. What do you eat for breakfast? Does 1/2 to 1 cup of decaf coffee with Splenda and Toffee Nut creamer count as breakfast?

5. Do your kids watch TV? Ugh. I don't even want to answer this question... of course they do!! I'm a crappy mom and my kids veg out 12 hours a day in front of the boob tube! Ok... perhaps that's a slight exaggeration, but sometimes I think that way. Really, though, I don't guess they watch a whole lot. Connor like Curious George, and Caleb hearts Sid the Science Kid. Both PBS programs, so I guess I'm not rotting their brain too terribly, right? RIGHT?! Actually, Caleb's surprising me with his new found "scientific knowledge" from STSK. Plus - oooh, get this - there's this great part on EVER episode where Sid and his mom are heading to preschool, and he sings this little rap-thing: "I love my mom!...uh-huh... My mom is cool!...uh-huh... But now it's time... for having fun at school." Ok. As long as Caleb learns that mantra, he can watch it as much as he wants!!!!

6. What are their favorite activities? OUTSIDE!!! They love playing outside! And I can't imagine how much fun it will be when we actually have grass and their play set up! For now, they are loving the dirt piles (top soil) in the back yard...full of adventure, treasures, and excitement... actually, they may hate grass and a playset. They also love dress up. They have several costumes, and it's fun to see them act out what ever garb they're decked out in. But the new found fave is the Black and Decker Work Bench - courtesy of mom's guilt after her far-too-long vacation!

7. Do you get a break during the day for some you time? Thankfully, yes I do. Usually from 2-4. Connor naps daily. Caleb naps on school days and then reads/watches STSK (thank goodness for DVR!) on Tues/Thurs. During that glorious time, I'm usually on the computer or cleaning. Wait... cleaning doesn't count as "me" time, does it? Dang it!!! I gotta stop that!

8. How do you end your day? 8:30 - the race is on... kids in the shower or bath, Bill and I tag-teaming it as each one gets finished up... we read to them - usually individually - say prayers and head off to dream land. Bill and I are so stinkin' "old" the we usually head for the blessed bed ASAP. We usually watch a movie or catch up on CSI Miami, Grey's, or ER, and then we watch the back of our eyelids for as long as possible.

9. What is your best parenting advice or tip? ENJOY EVERY MOMENT YOU CAN!!! They grow up sooooo fast, and all of a sudden you realize they aren't your babies any more. Cherish the very precious moments you have each and every day. Oh - and laugh! If not, you may lose your mind. And, of course, pray. *But, um, don't pray for patience... 'cause, um... well, you know.* ;o)

Now I get to tag...
Kelsy
Tina
April
Jenni
Dana
Diane

Ooooo... that's a bunch of people who are gonna be mad at me!!! *insert devil smiley here*

There's No Place Like Home!

Our homecoming from Cali was magical! I haven't had a chance to stop and really post about it until now. Caleb & Connor were trying to "hide" behind some chairs at the airport so that they could jump out and say "SURPRISE!" with their sign that they made.

The only thing was, I think they literally went into a state of shock when they saw us! They stood up to try to yell their surprises, but they just stared... O.O Bless their hearts. Perhaps they had forgotten what we looked like and were trying to figure out if it was really us. I don't know. But the 4 of us just stared at one another. And then, as if a referee blew a whistle to start a game, we all ran to one another to hug! Once Caleb got a hold of me - he did. not. let. go. For hours he did not let go. As a matter of fact, he had to touch me (in one way or another) the rest of the day until he fell asleep that night. I had to reach back into the back seat to hold his hand on the way home from the airport! Every few seconds he would mutter, "I love you, Mom." "I missed you, Mommy." "I'm glad you came home to see me, Mom." Over and over... and this actually went on for several days. We have just enjoyed being together as a family again so, so much. While I don't EVER want to be away from my kids that long - ever again - the overwhelming emotion of such a homecoming was so magical that I wouldn't mind feeling that again... and again... and again.

The Breakdown of the Cali Vacay

Well, well... where do I begin... I had such high hopes of blogging on a regular basis this month and - here it is - basically the end of the month, and I've yet to make an entry. Don't get me wrong, I've tried to several times... nothin. But now I have something great to share - our CALIFORNIA VACATION! Woo-hoo!!!! Disclaimer: this vacation was for Bill & Carey. Caleb & Connor stayed home with the grandparents. *THANK YOU, GRANDPARENTS!!*

We started out in beeeyooootiful Laguna where we went to a little place called Aliso Beach and walked up and down the beach - getting a little more wet than we had anticipated! We enjoyed listening to the sound of the waves, looking at little sea creatures in a tide pool, and feeling the sand between our toes.

We had dinner at a Japanese place called Yamato when Royce (Bill's brother) drove up from San Diego. He shared his sushi with Bill while I simply stayed true to my fried rice!

Then we moved on to Newport Beach and hung out on Balboa Island for a while. It was really nice! We did the beach thing again and found a treasure's worth of shells for Caleb to marvel at. We've enjoyed checking them out since we've been home! Watching the waves crash under the pier was pretty cool!

Our time in the beach area came to a close and we headed for Palm Desert. I told Bill I couldn't believe we were leaving home (where there were unusually cool, rainy days) to go to the stinkin' desert where it was 110 degrees!!! IT. WAS. HOT. Oh - and there was a freaky-weird sand storm just as we hit the edge of town... made me think of the movie The Mummy. Ca-reepy!

Once we were there, we checked out the downtown area of El Paseo, went to the outlet malls of Cabazon, went to the Living Desert - oh my GOSH was it ever HOT! We also drove back to the LA area where my dear friend Nissy lives. She took us on our own personal tour of Hollywood, Burbank, Beverly Hills, etc. Her husband works for Fox Studios and creates amazing sets for Prison Break. He took us on a personal tour of "his" set and explained all of the things that he does. It was so cool! Bill LOVED it!! Then we went to dinner with them and 3 of their 5 kids. I think that was the absolute best part of the whole trip! *Love and miss you Nissy!!! Thanks for everything!*

We drove to Anaheim a couple of days after that and went to Disney and California Adventure. That's when we officially felt horribly guilty for not having the kids with us. However, we noticed soooo many parents sitting next to a stroller with a too-young-for-rides kid, and we noticed how bored, tired, and frustrated they looked while (obviously) waiting on the other parent to finish a ride with the sibling(s). We talked about how that would so NOT be fun, and Connor would have been miserable. Basically - we tried to make ourselves feel better!!

Let's see... that takes us to Temecula. We went there because Bill had a meeting there for work to get his update credits for his licensing. The meeting was short - I took the time to get a pedi and check out the mall. Afterward, we went to Old Town in Temecula. Kind of like a California version of Fredericksburg. We had fun.

Finally... Friday... our SECOND Friday of the vacation. So far, I've made it sound as if Bill & I had nothing but a grand time of gallivanting around like a couple of newlyweds. Truth be told, we were both down in the dumps from missing our kids, and we tried EVERY DAY to get airfare home... but we just couldn't do it... it would've cost more than our original trip. :o( Anyway - Friday came and we just hung around the resort - did laundry, read by the pool, packed up. Never had I been so excited to do laundry and pack a suitcase in all my life!!!

And then... *BIG SIGH*... Saturday. Glorious Saturday! The best day of vacation - the day we got to come home to our kids!

One Peacock I Am Proud to Have Known...

Naomi Robinson Peacock

It was a pleasure to have you as a grandmother the last 12 years of my life.

It was a pleasure to have you as my children's "Great Gram," as well.

My you rest peacefully in Jesus' loving arms.

We love you.

What Makes It OK To Forget... and to forgive...

I had a hard couple of days after my last post. I thank all of you who sent emails, called me on the phone, or simply thought of/prayed for me.

I really don't have a whole lot of words I want to put down to explain all that I'm feeling right now. But I do have pictures. *I know - there's a shocker!*

But the reason I'm sharing these pictures is to show you (and mainly myself) that I have two GREAT reasons to "forget" a painful memory, even if only for a day. And, most of all, I know it's ok to forgive myself so that I can continue to enjoy the miracles I do have.

Enjoying the miraculous rain!

They found a West Texas waterfall!

CHEEEEEEEESE!!!

He LOVES playing in the rain!

Simply sweet...

Simply amazing...

I've done something unforgivable to my child...

...and I can't even apologize to the one I've wronged.


I just came online to check on someone that I'm worried about, and I noticed I had a blog comment on myspace. I was confused because I don't post blogs there any more - just on this blogspot page. Well, it was from a sweet IG friend sending me her condolences on my miscarriage...


That blog was written a year ago yesterday.


Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of losing my baby, and I completely let it slip by! I can't stop crying right now!!!! THAT BABY IS NOT FORGOTTEN!!! I just want to scream:

I'M SORRY! I LOVE YOU! I DIDN'T MEAN TO NOT THINK OF YOU YESTERDAY! I THINK OF YOU ALL OF THE TIME! I ALWAYS WANTED YOU!! I'M JUST SO SORRY.
I'm so sorry...


Please, lost love of mine... if you can hear the cries of my heart, forgive me.

Shhhh! I can't hear the quiet!

Quiet.

What's that again? I can't remember, yet it's all around me right now. I'm. All. Alone. This is the first time in the new house that I've been all by myself! Part of me wants to bust out the megaphone from high school and do a cheer. Part of me wants to cry!

It all started last night. Bill and I headed to the Colts Baseball game (only 3 games left, and we still have too many tickets!). Connor was going to be dropped by Grandma's house - for everyone's sanity - and we were going to take Caleb with us. WELL... once he found out Connor was getting to play at Grandma's, he wasn't having a night at the ballpark with Mommy and Daddy. Sooo... off we went. Childless.

The game was ok - we actually won - so yay.

Anyway - back to the quiet. It was such a quiet night... no "Boys, let's get in the bath!" *giggling and running down the hall sans clothes* "Boys, let's get your jammies on!" *more giggling and running down the hall with towels flying behind like a cape* "Boys, brush your teeth!" *giggling and shrieking - this time with jammies on* "Boys, it's time for bed!" *giggling comes to a screeching halt*

There was no Caleb coming in 15 minutes after we go to bed because he "just needs to tell us something."

There was no crying or cooing through a monitor.

Nothing.

Quiet.

Now for the part that I'm seriously missing... There was no "Mommyyy... Mommyyyyy" this morning coming through the monitor inviting me to my morning peek-a-boo game with Connor between the crib rails and "turtle-frog" (his lovie). There was no Caleb trying to sneak down the stairs to surprise me when he gets up. No, "HI, BOO-BOO!"

Nothing.

Quiet.

Bill's even gone with a friend to fill deer feeders on their lease. So I don't even have to hear the dialogue of a ridiculous old movie and Bill quoting it!

Nothing.

Quiet.

It's so loud.