One Peacock I Am Proud to Have Known...

Naomi Robinson Peacock

It was a pleasure to have you as a grandmother the last 12 years of my life.

It was a pleasure to have you as my children's "Great Gram," as well.

My you rest peacefully in Jesus' loving arms.

We love you.

What Makes It OK To Forget... and to forgive...

I had a hard couple of days after my last post. I thank all of you who sent emails, called me on the phone, or simply thought of/prayed for me.

I really don't have a whole lot of words I want to put down to explain all that I'm feeling right now. But I do have pictures. *I know - there's a shocker!*

But the reason I'm sharing these pictures is to show you (and mainly myself) that I have two GREAT reasons to "forget" a painful memory, even if only for a day. And, most of all, I know it's ok to forgive myself so that I can continue to enjoy the miracles I do have.

Enjoying the miraculous rain!

They found a West Texas waterfall!

CHEEEEEEEESE!!!

He LOVES playing in the rain!

Simply sweet...

Simply amazing...

I've done something unforgivable to my child...

...and I can't even apologize to the one I've wronged.


I just came online to check on someone that I'm worried about, and I noticed I had a blog comment on myspace. I was confused because I don't post blogs there any more - just on this blogspot page. Well, it was from a sweet IG friend sending me her condolences on my miscarriage...


That blog was written a year ago yesterday.


Yesterday was the 3rd anniversary of losing my baby, and I completely let it slip by! I can't stop crying right now!!!! THAT BABY IS NOT FORGOTTEN!!! I just want to scream:

I'M SORRY! I LOVE YOU! I DIDN'T MEAN TO NOT THINK OF YOU YESTERDAY! I THINK OF YOU ALL OF THE TIME! I ALWAYS WANTED YOU!! I'M JUST SO SORRY.
I'm so sorry...


Please, lost love of mine... if you can hear the cries of my heart, forgive me.

Shhhh! I can't hear the quiet!

Quiet.

What's that again? I can't remember, yet it's all around me right now. I'm. All. Alone. This is the first time in the new house that I've been all by myself! Part of me wants to bust out the megaphone from high school and do a cheer. Part of me wants to cry!

It all started last night. Bill and I headed to the Colts Baseball game (only 3 games left, and we still have too many tickets!). Connor was going to be dropped by Grandma's house - for everyone's sanity - and we were going to take Caleb with us. WELL... once he found out Connor was getting to play at Grandma's, he wasn't having a night at the ballpark with Mommy and Daddy. Sooo... off we went. Childless.

The game was ok - we actually won - so yay.

Anyway - back to the quiet. It was such a quiet night... no "Boys, let's get in the bath!" *giggling and running down the hall sans clothes* "Boys, let's get your jammies on!" *more giggling and running down the hall with towels flying behind like a cape* "Boys, brush your teeth!" *giggling and shrieking - this time with jammies on* "Boys, it's time for bed!" *giggling comes to a screeching halt*

There was no Caleb coming in 15 minutes after we go to bed because he "just needs to tell us something."

There was no crying or cooing through a monitor.

Nothing.

Quiet.

Now for the part that I'm seriously missing... There was no "Mommyyy... Mommyyyyy" this morning coming through the monitor inviting me to my morning peek-a-boo game with Connor between the crib rails and "turtle-frog" (his lovie). There was no Caleb trying to sneak down the stairs to surprise me when he gets up. No, "HI, BOO-BOO!"

Nothing.

Quiet.

Bill's even gone with a friend to fill deer feeders on their lease. So I don't even have to hear the dialogue of a ridiculous old movie and Bill quoting it!

Nothing.

Quiet.

It's so loud.

So, What's Your Story?

It was much needed... It was well deserved... It was so much fun... And now...

I AM EXHAUSTED!!!!!!!!!!!!

When did having so much FUN become so tiring? Oh yeah... when I went and got OLD. Ok, ok... I'm not "old," but I feel like it! Here's what kicked my hiney...

I went to Dallas (Plano, to be exact) to meet up with my very best and dearest friend Amy. She lives in Oklahoma (don't worry - I'm constantly trying to get her back to Texas!), and the only half-way point that made sense was Dallas. We went ahead and made it Plano because Bill was going there for a golf tourney and to stay with his sister for the weekend. He dropped me off at our very swanky, funky, and uber cool destination - the NYLO hotel. It's ultra modern and contemporary. Totally NOT kid friendly. Get my drift? NO KIDS ALLOWED. Friday night was pretty easy going - it basically included us visiting, laughing until our eyes were tear-filled, and just enjoying our time together. I don't think we've had alone time to just visit since before we had children! *GASP!* And she's got a 7 1/2 year old! So, um, it's been a while!

Our grand plans to sleep in since we had no children for the weekend were completely and totally foiled as we both woke around 7. Try as we might... sleeping in just wasn't going to happen! Stinkin' internal mommy clock... grrrrrr...

So, we lazily got ready - without changing a diaper, preparing breakfast, separating bickering children - and we went and had the breakfast of champions: Krispy Kreme and Starbucks! Yeah, BABY!!!! After "fueling up" we headed for some shopping at the outlet mall. We found Amy a super cute dress to wear to her husband's 20 year class reunion... the rest of our shopping? Yep.

You guessed it... for the kids. *rolling eyes*

We feasted on lettuce wraps at Pei Wei then continued our shopping at Kohl's. If you know me, you know I. Heart. Kohl's. It's a rule that I must go to one when we are out of town since we don't have one at home. We enjoyed our shopping time, and when we went out to the car we made an important decision: Time to remove the T tops and cruise. You have to understand... this dates back to a certain perfect day about 12 years ago when we were driving around in her not-yet-husband's '78 Trans Am with the T tops off, the music loud, and the sun on our faces. We basically relived that day. And, to top it off, "My Sharona" was on the radio. It couldn't have been more perfect for us - and the dorks that we are!

After our cruising session, we had dinner at Macaroni Grill where our waiter sang to us an Italian prayer and gave us tiramisu on the house - complete with flowers for both of us. We had him tell us about himself, and it was just so interesting! We decided right then and there that the rest of the evening was going to include getting people to "tell us their story." So - we now had a mission. After some dorky pics and getting back to the room for some grooming, we went to The Loft down in the lobby. Kind of an oxymoron, no? Anyway - it's a funky place that includes an outside area with lounge chairs, a pool with a wall of fire behind it, and a hill with "mattresses" for lounging on. We got a foo-foo drink - a Cosmopolitan to be exact - and staked our claim. We laid under the stars (the 4 you can see in the middle of Plano), sipped our drink, and talked. It was the best time. Then the DJ came over to talk to us. We asked him his story - very interesting. Then the 2 officers working the place came by - we asked them their stories - even more interesting! One of them shared the name Carey with me! After doing this throughout the night, Amy and I realized - if you just shut up and let people talk, their stories can be amazing! Where people come from, what their families are like, what they do for a living, what they WANT to do for a living... all very, very interesting stuff.

Amy and I ended up staying up until after 3 in the morning just talking about life in general. Sometimes reminiscing; sometimes talking about the present; sometimes talking about what we want in the future. And, sometimes, just enjoying one another's company in the silence. Doesn't matter what we say, where we are, what we're doing... Amy and I are forever a part of one another's lives, and sometimes we just have to take the time to enjoy a little part of our lives together - at the same time - so that our stories are a little more fun and include one another. Again, we woke early - that's just what mommies do. But this time I was sad... because I knew it was the morning I had to hug my friend good bye - and not know the next time I would get to hug her hello. But it's ok because she's always in my heart - no matter where I am or what I'm doing. She's my Amy.

Now then... I've bored you with mine... So, what's your story?

The Address Fiasco CONTINUES!

Seriously!!!

When the prospect of changing our street name came up, I thought for sure it would be impossible to get it done. I figured I HAD to give it a shot since we were having problem after problem with our address. That's when I got in contact with a very nice woman in the City Planning Department. She was more than cordial and, after taking a drive out here on her lunch, agreed that the street name definitely needed to be changed. That's when London Court was brought up. It was fine with me, and I called Bill to pass on the information. He said almost instantly, "What about Peacock Court?" Silence. "Seriously! Ask her. Call her back and ask her." After what seemed like an eternity of banter about the possibility, I called her back - for the simple fact that I could say I ASKED. As I assumed she would, she turned it down. But - hey - I ASKED!

Friday my phone rang, and it was the very pleasant woman from the City. "We're sending out the change notice, and it won't be London Court after all. We've decided on Peacock Circle." Much like the phone call with Bill - SILENCE. Then, "Um. What?" "That's right. Peacock Circle. I mentioned it to my superior when turning in the requisition, and he loved it!" Alrighty then. So - Saturday - on our 11th Anniversary - we get the notice that our street name (where our dream house now stands) will bear our name. Personally, I was embarrassed as all get out. Bill. Loved. It. We joked and laughed about it. How could we NOT?! Bill tells me, "Well, at least our kids will have no problem learning their address!" "Yeah," I retort, "and their teachers will all think they are LYING!" Chuckle, chuckle, snort, snort.

Monday the phone rings yet again with Miss Pleasant on the end of the line. "We have a little problem." Silence. (sound familiar?) "Someone has raised complaint with the name Peacock Circle." *Allow me to take a moment to remind you that WE ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO LIVE ON THIS CUL-DE-SAC!* "Ok, I said. I really can't believe Shawn (our one-day-neighbor) complained... we talked to him about it... he seemed ok..." "It wasn't Shawn," replied Miss P. "Oh. Ok. Well, thanks for calling."

Now here's the kicker... I really didn't WANT the street name to be Peacock Circle. It was - well - rather embarrassing. BUT... now that I know someone fussed about the name of a street that they don't even LIVE ON (the notice was sent to a few on Ashford DRIVE, as well)... that just chaps my hiney something fierce! Don't people have better things to do with their time than call the city to complain about a street name they don't live on? SIGH... whatever...

So - back to London Court it is... which I actually LIKE better. BUT - It will forever in our hearts be 605 PEACOCK CIRCLE... THE PLACE OF OUR DREAMS!